Because No One Understands
by Minja
Summary: "And so it was that while the other inhabitants of Lothlorien passed their days in a saddened veil of grim resolution, the young hobbit Pippin focused his aching heart upon the ache of another..." A Legolas/Pippin friendship fic (no slash or pairings)


Title: .Because No One Understands  
  
Author: Minja (aka Carnimerie)  
  
Rating: PG (although I doubt it even needs to be this high. Umm, I guess if a child is around four and can't comprehend death, they shouldn't read it, but other than that.)  
  
Pairings: None. Although one could, I suppose, view this as some sort of Legolas/Pippin pairing, this is only meant as a friendship-fic.  
  
Warnings: None that I can think of. Slight mental angst on Legolas's part, but its not too angsty. Umm, quite a lot of confusion going around, but again.trust me. I don't think there's much you need to be warned about.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sue me and you will equally receive nothing. Don't waste your lawyer's time, please. Lord of the Rings doesn't belong to me, or any of the characters. All I own is Legolas's immortality and the Evenstar, but that's because I'm on the keeper's list..;-)  
  
Author's Note: This is book-verse. In the book, The Fellowship of the Ring, the fellowship spend more time in Lothlorien than is suggested in the movie, if I am not mistaken.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the pale gray light that seemed to splash over all that dwelt in Lothlorien, sadness was the state of mind for eight rather diverse companions known as the Fellowship. Having lost a member of their own, a wizard by the name of Gandalf, the eight beings had taken refuge in the land of the Elven Queen Galadriel and her consort Celeborn. Under the strong protection of Elven magic and weaponry, all eight were in a position to rest comfortably, yet their hearts remained strung with grief and their minds were troubled. All of the races and individuals that made up this renowned group dealt with their grief in various ways. The hobbits, the smallest of the beings yet the largest of number, being now half the group, wept openly, at times drowning in their grief. The dwarf, whose ancestors had been the one to awaken the Balrog that had ultimately claimed Gandalf's life, moved between sadness and guilt with an alarming ease, seeming unable to truly accept or abandon either emotion. With the men, the weeping they did was often hidden, a few tears that would only fall in the dark of night or in the solitude of the lush surrounding forests. Their eyes remained at all times in places near and far, and the hobbits could scarcely tell whether their thoughts lay in the uncertain future or the troubled past. All these emotions drifted through the Fellowship and were more or less witnessed by all the others.  
  
However, it was the solemn nature of one member of their party, the wood-elf Legolas, which caught the attention of one hobbit in particular. While this hobbit at first admired the elf for his strength, he soon grew worried about the lack of emotions the elf would show when the grief was so clearly eating away at his heart. And so it was that while the other inhabitants of Lothlorien passed their days in a saddened veil of grim resolution, the young hobbit Pippin focused his aching heart upon the ache of another...  
  
~~~~  
  
"Legolas?" At his name, the golden-haired elf turned. He blinked from his eyes the stars that he had been intently watching overhead and found himself gazing down at Pippin, who was glancing up at the elf with a strained curiosity. Legolas instantly realized that he was witnessing a rare sight: a hobbit's attempt at subtly. Smiling softly, he wondered exactly what Pippin was up to and sank down softly to sit by the hobbit.  
  
"Yes, Pippin?" The elf asked, moving so as to face his companion. Pippin was still standing and he shifted his weight from leg to leg nervously. He was silent for a few moments before sitting down with a small thud. Once more taking a deep breath, Pippin began his questioning. He leaned in slightly as he spoke, Legolas noted, much like a human child.  
  
"Would you tell me about elves?"  
  
Legolas couldn't help but give a genuine smile at such a question. The fact that Pippin had even bothered to ask formally seemed a bit ludicrous to Legolas; he and Pippin were comrades in this fellowship and such formalities were a tad old-fashioned. In addition, Legolas thought somewhat cynically, elves were not known to be anything other than immensely proud of their race and, as the tales passed around mortals said, could be downright braggarts when it came to stories of the glory of the Elven dominated First Age. Legolas knew his father was said to be one of the worst when it came to bragging about kingdoms and the elven arts and graces, yet Legolas tried to avoid speaking too excessively about his people when near those not of his race. Well, not always, for Aragorn didn't exactly count as human in Legolas's book, being reared partly by elves, and Legolas would never hesitate to speak about elves with him. Yet for the most part, he avoided boastful talk.  
  
"What would you wish to know?" Legolas asked somewhat enthusiastically, until he ended his musings and noticed the nervousness that Pippin still seemed to have. The young hobbit anxiously nibbled his lip as he weighed the words in his mind. He didn't want Legolas to think he was odd, yet he felt he had sufficient reasoning for his question. While it was perhaps not the most logical of questions, Pippin certainly felt that it was valid. Somewhere deep in his mind, Pippin marveled at how restrained he was being. Normally he simply spoke first and thought afterwards, yet.things had changed, Pippin was forced to realize. Gandalf was no longer here to watch out for the youngest hobbit, and while he had his cousins and friends, Pippin was finally beginning to see that he would need to think and act for himself. These thoughts, while instrumental for Pippin's self- growth, wrecked havoc on his heart, and so he spoke quickly, blurting out his question before reconsidering its appropriateness.  
  
"Can elves cry?"  
  
There, Pippin thought, he'd said it. Legolas appeared stunned. For a moment Pippin wondered if the question was too bizarre or if he had offended the elf in some way. Maybe, Pippin figured, if elves were supposed to be the more perfect creatures that the gods had created, maybe they didn't cry. If that was the case, the hobbit feared anger from his comrade in arms. Yet the more he gazed at Legolas, trying to gage his reaction before it came, he felt more at ease. Legolas still appeared vaguely confused and befuddled, but he was certainly not angry.  
  
Legolas wasn't sure of what to make of Pippin's question. It wasn't exactly an insult, yet it was certainly not much of a compliment. Well, Legolas felt it wasn't a compliment. Perhaps to a man like Boromir, the elf figured, it could be taken as a token of bravery and manliness to be without tears, but elves weren't usually like that. Legolas thought hard and tried to answer as efficiently as possible.  
  
"Yes," came the answer to Pippin's long pondered question. "Yes, Elves can cry. Whether an elf cries or does not cry is a very individual thing, as it is with mortal men, or with dwarves, or with hobbits, I am sure. While I cannot promise you that every elf cries or has cried, in most likelihood, every elf has.." Legolas trailed off and paused to give a sad smile to the young creature before him. ".for we age so slowly compared to the other beings of Middle Earth."  
  
Pippin nodded softly, apparently still pondering the wood-elf's answer. Legolas smiled.  
  
"Does that answer your question?"  
  
"Yes." Pippin replied, still nodding. He stood, seeming intent on moving over to where his hobbit companions lay sprawled around the fire. The campfire was a short distance away, for in his solitude, Legolas had taken to star gazing in the more open meadows of Caras Galadon. The elf shifted his eyes towards the heavens, at first content to once again gaze at the stars. Pippin began to walk away. Yet suddenly, Legolas found his own curiosity peaked by the hobbit. He spoke briskly before Pippin was out of hearing range.  
  
"What brought on such a question, Master Pippin?" Pippin halted and turned around, almost shyly. He seemed far less sure of himself than he had been moments before, and as he walked back to speak with the elf, it became clear that he did so with reluctance. Yet however reluctant Pippin was to explain his reasoning, his voice rang out strong and honest a second later.  
  
"In the Mines." He began, yet quickly dropped off into a softer tone, almost trying to forget the horrors the fellowship had seen within the emptiness of Khazad-dûm. "In the Mines of Moria.Gandalf fell. We left the mines after he rushed us on.all but you wept." Pippin's eyes held confusion, yet he spoke on. "Everyone has either wept since the de.since Gandalf left. Aragorn and Boromir cry, although they do not believe I have seen. Gimli is mainly angry, yet he tears up in his rage. I have cried with my cousins and with Sam, but you, Legolas, you have not cried. Even as you told the Lady Galadriel of Gandalf's falling, you remained dry-eyed." Pippin gazed imploringly at Legolas as he spoke, seeming to still be confused. Yet as he got to the end of his explanation, his expression quickly changed to one of remorse. "I am sorry, Legolas. I just could not help but wonder."  
  
Legolas held out a hand to quiet Pippin. The anxious hobbit had startled him, and Legolas couldn't help but be faced with the thought of why he had not cried. He felt stripped bare with such a comment. Hobbits were amazing creatures, Gandalf had once said, with their ability to adapt and surprise. Yet Legolas felt compelled to add another adjective to the list of hobbit qualities: perception. Legolas began to speak, not pausing to consider his thoughts beforehand, letting the words slip out as they willed.  
  
"It is not that I do not feel sadness," He first said quickly, motioning for Pippin to sit back down so the two could continue to talk. Once Pippin was re-seated, he continued. "I do. Yet I do not cry because." Legolas could feel nothing but frustration as he spoke, for although he was letting his mind speak however it sought fit, the whole situation was frustrating. Finally, Legolas had no choice was to blurt out the one phrase that would surprise Pippin the most. And although it would be an emotional peak for Legolas, it came out quietly, almost like the meow of a tiny kitten, overcome with tiredness. It would be so soft that Pippin would strain to hear Legolas when he spoke:  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
Pippin waited patiently for Legolas to continue, for he expected a somewhat more detailed explanation than 'I do not understand.' He was not silent for long when Legolas continued.  
  
"I do not understand death. You must understand.this concept is new to me.' In his frustration, Legolas could feel his eyes tearing up, an irony that Pippin only vaguely had time to consider before the elf blinked back his tears and continued his words in a tight voice. 'Death in Mirkwood is.an accident. It just does not happen in Mirkwood. Elves are tied to Middle Earth, so we can never die like mortals do, and completely lose our mind and spirit. We go and live with the spirits of all elves before us if we are slain, or else we are reborn. It is a cycle that cannot end.' Around this time, Legolas let his head drop slightly, and Pippin could no longer see the elf's face.  
  
'I know I will never die, yet I am.a mere child, an infant next to Gandalf. Next to the Istari, elves are like.well, like dwarves are to elves.' He glanced up at Pippin, and this time, the hobbit could see tears running over the elf's cheeks like streams of melted snow on a cold mountain. 'If I may live while one such as Gandalf is dead.I cannot help but feel I have failed.' Yet he wiped the tears from his face with a gentle hand.  
  
'I just do not understand."  
  
Pippin sat silent for a minute as the elf before him dried his tears. It was odd to see Legolas cry. The Elf cried much differently from how a hobbit cried, for when hobbits cried it was noisy and red and sore, and the elf's pale skin seemed untouched. Only Legolas's faint watery eyes spoke of the sorrow in his heart and the sorrow that had been so openly displayed mere seconds before. Then, for some reason unknown to Pippin, he knew exactly what to say.  
  
"I don't understand, either." The hobbit began slowly. Legolas tilted his head in silent question, yet Pippin continued before he could speak. "I am mortal." He looked straight into Legolas's eyes as he spoke next. "I will die. Yet I do not understand it. The fact that Gandalf can be here one moment and gone the next." Filled with uncertainty, the Hobbit dropped Legolas's gaze. "I cannot understand. But I know that it is part of life, just like sleeping and waking up. I mean," He began, thinking of the bright sunrises that he had seen while in the Golden Wood, "this morning's sunrise could not have come unless dusk had fallen."  
  
His words caused Legolas to smile, and for a single moment, and for one of the only moments in Pippin's life, the hobbit saw the depth of Legolas's age. Normally, the elf seemed eternally-youthful as opposed to centuries-ancient, yet, in the corner of his eyes, a deepness lay that could not be rationally explained. A curve of the laugh lines that seemed unnatural to a hobbit's eye. A quick moment that could have never been noticed, but a moment when, for all of the Valar's careful design in their awe-inspiring firstborn, something did not flow between the youthful face and the inner depth of an elf.  
  
"Then, I, Master Pippin, am the dusk that will live forever, or, mayhaps it is better to say that I am the blue sky that will never fade to anything but blue." Yet his face once again took a more somber tone, although it was also a softer one as well, a tone that was not quite so wracked with grief as his previous moments "How do you live with this knowledge.that one day it will all be gone?" Trying hard to not offend the hobbit, Legolas dared to go further when greeting with a beat of silence. "Does not it all seem futile?" Pippin, then, for some strange reason, smiled.  
  
"No." He answered truthfully, with the dignity and pride of the second born that he was. "No, because you try not to think about it.death, I mean. It isn't futile because we have no idea what lies beyond, and so we have to make the most of what we have right now. But mostly, we don't think about it." Then Pippin's voice trailed off into a near whisper. He continued to speak, although it seemed almost to Legolas that Pippin was speaking to himself.  
"That's why I'm here. Frodo needs me to help him not think about it. He needs me and Merry." Looking once again at Legolas, he continued in his almost whisper. "I know they have said he's going to die. But we won't let him think about it, because that's half of the battle. We can't let him lose faith, so we have it, even when he can't anymore." Pippin smiled after a second. "That's why you have friends." Legolas couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Is that so?" Pippin nodded.  
  
"Yes, although, I suppose it's not the only reason, right? I mean, otherwise, elves wouldn't have friends." His eyes narrowed slightly. "Elves have friends, right?" Legolas couldn't help but chuckle softly at that.  
  
"Of course!" He answered honestly. "Elves have many friends in nature and in all free folk of Middle Earth. Yet we are most common with our own kind in friendship." Pippin nodded.  
  
"Mostly with other elves." Legolas nodded.  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Then talk to your friends. They will help you."  
  
It was an answer so simple, so...purely hobbit, that Legolas couldn't help but smile. As Pippin slowly stood, the elf marveled at the tiny creature before him. Hobbits were, as Mithrandir had always said, amazing creatures. Legolas realized with a start that he had been dwelling on the Gray Pilgrim once more. Yet as his thoughts trailed down the road of previous journeys with the gray wizard, instead of the sadness he had felt earlier, Legolas felt only joy at the memories of the good times. Well, maybe, Legolas reflected, there was a lingering sadness in all these memories, but now.they seemed less bleak.  
  
Pippin gazed longingly at the fire only a few yards from his and Legolas's spot in the clearing. He could smell dinner cooking and hear the murmur of happy hobbits in the background. He glanced up at Legolas one last time. Pippin could tell by the look in his eye that the elf would be okay.  
"Talk to your friends." Pippin muttered once more, almost under his breath, before walking back over to the campfire. He had spoken so softly that Legolas couldn't help but wonder if Pippin had been talking to Legolas or to himself. But Pippin's motives were no matter; the elf knew what to do. Glancing once more at the campfire in the distance, he walked off into the woods, in search of his kin. They would help him understand.  
  
~~~~  
  
Pippin, and indeed the entire Fellowship saw significantly less of the lone elf after that. Legolas would often disappear for the entire day and only show up for mealtimes and evenings, and even then, he would often be off to the side, his eyes shinning with images none of the others could see. In time, he would take Gimli the dwarf with him on his excursions, and true to Legolas's style, the dwarf would not speak of these outings with anyone. The only member of the Fellowship who had the slightest idea of what the companions went off to seek was the youngest hobbit of the group. But who would have ever asked Pippin where they went. He was, after-all, only a hobbit.  
  
~~~~  
  
End.  
  
Reviews are greatly appreciated. 


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